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Im much much better today and i have been for ages back in school all my freinds said it was so quiet without me hehe and they said it wasnt the same seeing as i was off nearly all week.�my sister is back shes been away in fueterventura for almost 6 months on work. she was a childrens repp. she is very happy to be back and she has so many plans to meet freinds etc. i got msses of homework to do. but ont i always? XD. its always hard keeping up wit masses of things to do. but if i want to be a beauty therepist i have to do it dont i. i seem to always leave school thins to last minuit. its weired. all my freinds do it befor me and at lunch im always in the library doing homework they ask me what im doing i tell them and they always say "ive already done that. i did it ages ago" its annoying listening tob that nearly everyday. i feel like im in a cartoon with masses of books on my desk. eept its nearly all science. i havent started the B-tech yet becos its only november ive only been in� school for a few months. well started again.

I was still afraid of the judgement I might recieve from people I do not and will probably not ever know on this site.

Well, here goes a public entry of my feelings.

I am really trying to change things about my thinking especially. Its working, but then again, something always comes up to get me angry and back to my destructuve negativity again.

SO what do I decide to do now? I decide to not give up and revert to bad habits like I did before just because I don;t see things working out right away. I am getting better though by not giving up. I'll come back later b/c I have dinner.

I've decided an online journal is most likly the best for me. Considering my mother will read anything and everything that looks like it belongs to me. I've started journals many many times. I've either forgot about the whole journal idea because it felt more like an obligation then a relaxation techniquie. Or my journal was found, read, and gotton shoved in my face because of the words i write. Shouldn't a journal be something that is completly yours? Shouldn't it be somewhere you can just spill your blood, guts, and feelings into? If i ever get an answer, i'll tell write down in this neat little online-journal.

Besides all the nonsense�of starting my journal...

It's been 2 days since i was dismissed from Children's Mercy Hospital. Gah, i hate saying 'children's mercy' i feel like i'm so young and helpless, like i have no expericance with anything. I relize i'm 14 years young, but i still can't help but be angery about not being able to make all of my desisions. Any whos. The doctors didn't find anything else wrong with me (of course, they never do), except for EGD. Which we've known about for a while, and thought be had it under control. Guess not. They sent me home with yet another medication to try. As if i'm a helpless animal that they test anything on. The pain is overwhelming most of the time. I sometimes get relief, but mostly just pain. No one belives the pain i go through.

[insert best friend's name]�is semi-supportive of me. But latly i've been doing alot of thinking...The week i was in the hospital i called her to tell her and she said 'sorry..' and then spoke of nothing but herself, and her crushes, her friends, her great life. It made me sick. It's not that i want her to be 'omfg. blah blah blah are you okay?!?!?!? blah blah blah omg!' I just wanted her to agknowledge me in some way. Say 'i hope you get better' or 'i wish you luck'. That exact thing happened with [insert friend's name].

And they are all i have. And i just lost them. Sure i have [insert a buddy's name], kinda, she's to caught up in 'Audrey' or 'Aubrey' or...something... She talks about her so offen i try to block her words out. So. i'm down to...... well.....Me.

I know people say 'im so alone! i have no one!' and they have like 2 billions friends waiting on AIM to talk to them.�But, in this case I don't have anyone. I havn't 'hung out' with someone in...like....3 and a half weeks. I know that doesn't sound like much but, when you're in pain constantly, being with people you loves gives a little band-aid to me. I hate talking about this. I don't understand why i even think about this sort of thing.

My sister and mom persuaded me into reading 'Twilight'. And that was probly the best thing at could happen to me, and the worst.�I'm on page 197 and i've figured out 27% of myself. It's so scary how one book, one movie, one person can change someone so easy. Why i say the worst is that i've been paying attention to myself more and more. And i scare myself sometimes. At times I think i'm just a hair-obsessed teenage girl, at others.... i think i'm more than a teenage girl trying to find friends. I'm something else...but i can't find it. I dig and strugle to figure it out, but i have no luck. My face is burning with red anger. I hate it when i don't know things. That's silly, isn't it? Because i don't know ALOT of things. No one can know everything. I'm aware of that, i just hate it when something is put in front of me and i don't know the answer or the thing it's hiding.

I guess that's life huh?

Heya whats up?

ITs one of those nights when i drink to much milk tea and i get high .=(

AHDFILSHFOIH

OKay lets see. What should i tell you today? that girls at my school are catty and bitchy but can be SO nice at the same time? AHH

Anyways.. how long has it been..?

LONG.

Okay.. its realy sad.. when somebody scares the hell out of you cuz... you get scared all night�. Which means no sleep. then.. you cant concentrate on anything. even peeing. jk

That's why i am hating helena so much right now/. YEA. she tells me these freaky ghost stories that are supposedly true. but even if they weren't they'd scare the crap out of you. y'know?

then i end up snuggling with my cat all night with no sleep.

that is the hate.

- blahbee

Hello and welcome to my blog! In this post, I will be introducing myself and what this blog is all about. =] So, I guess I should talk about myself first, huh? Well . . . my name is Natasha. I'm a seventeen-year-old high school Senior. I love writing, singing, blogging, reading Tarot, and hosting talk shows. I will be hosting talk shows on a site called TalkShoe under the username GarrulousNatasha often. I'll post links soon, I hope. =]

This blog is one of a hundred. I'm doing something that I don't think anyone has ever done before: use one hundred blogs at once. I'm calling it the "100 Blog Challenge." That basically is having one hundred blogs on one hundred different sites. The same thing will be posted per site. However, certain sites have unique features which I will do independently. When I add new things to those blogs, I will post about it at the end of the entry. Of course, if they are little things asking what I'm doing, I will not notify people of those changes since it's something casual and not too important.

I was supposed to start my blogs at the end of August or beginning of September. So I have been keeping my journal since August 31st. So I will post them in groups of weeks. So don't be surprised when you see older entries. I was just having trouble getting all the sites ready and I was so busy with school. I won't be able to post daily, but I will try to post often. As time goes on, I will stop using certain sites. My ultimate goal is to find the best of the best for blogging sites. As I cut down on sites, then the more I will be able to post.

My blogs will not only be journals about my life, but I will also post things you might like to know. Sometimes I will post blogs about things you might not care about. I like to be funny, so expect humor. =] If you post a comment, I will try to get back to you. I can't promise it, though. Because it's easier to comment people back when I receive e-mails saying I have received a comment. Some sites do not offer this so if you comment me on one of those sites, I will try to get back to you but I can't promise that. =[

If you have blogs elsewhere and would like to see my blog there, let me know. I have some popular sites like MySpace, LiveJournal, Xanga, and many mean others! So feel free to ask me if I have a blog on a certain site. If you'd like a list of all my blogs, just let me know. I also have sites that are popular but do not offer blogs. This way, I can keep in contact with my . . . fans; assuming I'll get them one day. =P I'll try to post links to my other blogs and sites from time-to-time. I also have Yahoo, MSN, and AIM if you would care to chat with me there.

I'm sure I'll make changes to this post as time evolves. If I do change it, I will link to it from other posts for everyone to view. But, I will also most likely post what I have changed. =P You will notice that I make things bold, italicized, and I will underline things too. This is what each means in my blog posts (in my blog . . . grammar usage of them does not apply =P):
Bold = Something important that you should pay attention to; titles and such.
Italics = Something that I'm putting emphasis on . . . sort of like in literature.
Underline = Something that I want to point out; I won't be emphasizing it, and it won't be as important as something in bold but it is something I'd like to point out.

If you'd like to contact me, you can send me a message (depending which site you're at) or e-mail me. I have three different e-mail addresses, but I mostly check GarrulousNatasha@Yahoo.com. I hope you guys take care! Thanks and bye! XD

~Natasha, The Garrulous Lady

P.S. "The" isn't supposed to be capitalized. But, in my case, it is like a title. =P Because I am The Garrulous Lady.

Garrulous - Talking much, especially about unimportant things.

���� Well, another boring, rainy Thursday at work.� this is the first of 6 days in a row.� I hate it when I have to work the whole damn weekend.� Granted, having days off in the midle of the week are fun and relaxing, but this all weekend shit has GOT to go.� I have yet to get my first activation, but I have had some renewals.� what sucks though, is that it is almost halfway through the month!!� anyways, I hope things will turn out better.....Plus, it DOEs help that I have roomies now!

c

I wish I could fly. I'd take a trip to the beach with the gulls and be back in time for dinner.�I've dreamt of flying and it always feels so good, so free, light and exciting.� I hate waking up after that.

I wish to�win the lottery. I know I could buy happiness, even though they say you can't. I'll decide that!

I wish the economy�would get�better, I'm getting sick of the news.

I wish Palin would�go away, back to Alaska where she belongs. If she's such a good "hockey mom" she needs to stay home and BE one, not running around�looking for more ladders to climb. She needs to�be there for her kids and husband. I'd be worried to have a VP that knows as little as she does.

I wish I could see into the future. How amazing it would be to be able to know what was coming next in your life. I think I'd want to start with knowing the next hour first then the next day, week, etc. If I could do this I'd have more trust that everythings going to be alright.

I wish meaness wasn't out there. Why do people waste their time saying or doing bad things? Doesn't everyone know about Kharma? "Do unto others.."? I feel sorry for them, somebody taught them to be that way I guess.

I wish I live with my hubbie forever. He's my best friend and I never want to be without him.

I wish I was in Disneyland -�right now! I really love that "Happiest Place on Earth". We had Thanksgiving down there last year and I'm seriously missing it now.

I wish I get a puppy for my birthday. I want a Bichon. That's a fat chance, hubs does't want one...

I wish I could take a day and stay in bed.

I FINALLY DID IT!!!!!!!� I drove a real NASCAR race car.� What an experience it was.� I was not nearly as nervous as I thought I might be.��I was only slightly nervous because I had to drive in front of all my peers.� I knew all the guys I work with would be watching to see how well I did.� I did not care about how fast I went but was more concerned with be a "good" driving and following as I should.� My instructor said I did really well, in fact he said "You did better than I thought you would".�� He apparently did not think I was the race car driving type.� I was really quite proud of myself.� My top speed on my drive was 140 mph.� It was really amazing and I am really grateful to have had the opportunity to do it.� I would recommend it to anyone!!!!